Words can't describe how good it feels to do something you are afraid of. Something you want to do, but are dreading. Something that feels so good when it's done.
That's how I felt about today's "competition". What I learned by competing today, the thing I need to work on most isn't my form or my stamina. It's my ability to compete.
Instead, I found that the majority of the time today, rather than enjoying myself, I was more focused on "how I would rank compared to others". I think I have always been this way. Not just in competitions. Just in general.
My friend Corey said it best on one of my posts, "You are only competing against the person you were yesterday." Deep down, I already knew that. But that's not always what I'm thinking. I told myself on Tuesday when I tried the one WOD, if you beat your time, you win.. And I did. I did 21-21-21-15-15-10 when I tried the workout on Tuesday. Today I did 21-21-21-15-15-15-8. I pr'ed my clean and jerk. 130, twice! And for the other workout? Death by 10m? That was a blind one. I had never done it before.
Before I can be truly good at something, I need to be good to myself and not focus on failure. I need to stop analyzing every single detail, every single time.
Some of the girls today had been doing crossfit for longer than 6 months. I know because they told me. Instead of using that as a springboard to drive me, I dwelled on it. I have been doing it since January 14th. But, also..I'm 38 years old... Not only did they outdo me in experience, but they were also in their early 20's. You simply can't compare apples and oranges.
I met a wonderful girl today named Kara. She had an attitude that I am envious of. She was cheerful the entire time. Didn't have a worried look on her face and just did the workouts. She wasn't there "for a place", and I feel like she got so much more out of today than I did. She enjoyed herself. She cheered for other people. Thankfully, a bit of Kara rubbed off on me.
I DO NOT have to win. I DO NOT. But I do need to learn how to not beat myself up over not being able to be the best at everything, especially not right away. And I do it all of the time.
Before I focus on form, I need to reevaluate my attitude. I need to start feeling good about my accomplishments and stop focusing on my mirage of failures.
The girl
In the stripes is Kara. I'm in the yellow. I lifted more weight, but Kara knows more about being a good sport!
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